Today, at the appointment for Jude's 12 week ultrasound, we saw what appears to be a healthy, 12 week/6 day old baby. That's what the ultrasound pictures and measurements showed. We saw 2 legs, 2 arms, 2 feet, 2 hands and it even looked like we could see 10 fingers and a bunch of toes. Pretty amazing!
We're having another baby!
Unbelievable and a bit surreal is how this whole experience has felt so far. After we see Roseann Maikis (our doctor and friend) next Tuesday and, hopefully, get good news from her on the blood work Jude had done today, we'll breathe a little easier, I think. We don't plan to tell anyone until then, anyway.
Today was a great day, emotional and uplifting. I don't remember praying as diligently for anything as I have for the past few weeks for a healthy pregnancy and delivery for Jude, and for a healthy baby. God listens and God has been there for us every step of the way. We are blessed.
Monday, August 22, 2011
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Miracles
Today I witnessed a miracle.
Before we went to bed on July 8, 2011, the day before my birthday, Jude suggested I open my birthday presents. I was hesitant, mostly because I have a personal rule against opening up gifts before the actual holiday, birthday, etc. She insisted and when I opened up the second or third package, I was stunned to find a postive pregancy test inside it. By stunned I mean speechless. I couldn't stop smiling.
We kept the news under out hats, between us, for the next few weeks. We did call Jude's doctor, Roseann Maikis, who has become one of our closest friends. She was excited for us and suggested we come see her the last part of July for the first ultrasound. Jude made the appointment the next day and we resumed our lives, trying to keep things as normal as possible. Of course, wherever we went and whatever we did, Jude's pregnancy was always in the back of our mind.
Given that on the last go round, the first ultrasound confirmed a baby had not ever developed and that Jude ultimately had a painful and somewhat traumatic - albeit expected - miscarriage - we didn't allow ourselves to get too excited. Our thought was to wait until the first ultrasound - set for July 26, 2011 - to really embrace the concept of another pregnancy.
Last Tuesday, I met Jude at Roseann's office and it was "deja vu, all over again," as Yogi Berra said. After waiting for what seemed like an interminable length of time, Gina (Roseann's nurse) ushered us back, took Jude's blood pressure, asked some routine questions, then put us in a small examination room to wait for Roseann. Jude got undressed and in a few minutes, Roseann walked in, smiling in anticipation. I was nervous, very nervous, actually.
Roseann turned the lights off, then started the ultrasound. Almost immediately, we could tell she wasn't seeing what she expected (and hoped) to see. She pointed out a yolk sac and what appeared to be a faint heartbeat, but nothing else. After spending several minutes looking around, Roseann turned the lights back on again and looked at us, clearly disappointed. She questioned Jude about how long it had been since her last menstrual cycle had ended, in an effort to pinpoint how far along in the pregnancy Jude should be. In then end, Roseann just told us she wasn't seeing what she would expect to see, based on how far along in the pregnancy we thought Jude should be.
Although Roseann tried to encourage us, we were devastated. In particular, Jude felt like we were right where we were last time, when the first ultrasound indicated the pregnancy had never really gotten off the ground, so to speak. Jude even compared the the ultrasound photograph to J.P.'s first ultrasound photograph and it was like night and day. Still, Roseann insisted she's seen several occasions where people initially miscalculated when a woman had become pregnant, as a result of which a second ultrasound, a week later, revealed a healthy pregnancy. In other words, it was unusual, but it had happened.
We left Roseann's office and sat glumly outside on a cement wall, talking quietly with each other in the hot afternoon air. In the end, we agreed to wait until the ultrasound the following week and, in the meantime, not to give up hope. Jude was scheduled to take J.P. to Jacksonville to spend the weekend with her best friend, Cyndi Baines, and we decided the trip would go off, as planned. In other words, there was nothing to do but wait.
Wait and pray. Which I did. A lot.
___________________________________
Before we went to bed on July 8, 2011, the day before my birthday, Jude suggested I open my birthday presents. I was hesitant, mostly because I have a personal rule against opening up gifts before the actual holiday, birthday, etc. She insisted and when I opened up the second or third package, I was stunned to find a postive pregancy test inside it. By stunned I mean speechless. I couldn't stop smiling.
We kept the news under out hats, between us, for the next few weeks. We did call Jude's doctor, Roseann Maikis, who has become one of our closest friends. She was excited for us and suggested we come see her the last part of July for the first ultrasound. Jude made the appointment the next day and we resumed our lives, trying to keep things as normal as possible. Of course, wherever we went and whatever we did, Jude's pregnancy was always in the back of our mind.
Given that on the last go round, the first ultrasound confirmed a baby had not ever developed and that Jude ultimately had a painful and somewhat traumatic - albeit expected - miscarriage - we didn't allow ourselves to get too excited. Our thought was to wait until the first ultrasound - set for July 26, 2011 - to really embrace the concept of another pregnancy.
Last Tuesday, I met Jude at Roseann's office and it was "deja vu, all over again," as Yogi Berra said. After waiting for what seemed like an interminable length of time, Gina (Roseann's nurse) ushered us back, took Jude's blood pressure, asked some routine questions, then put us in a small examination room to wait for Roseann. Jude got undressed and in a few minutes, Roseann walked in, smiling in anticipation. I was nervous, very nervous, actually.
Roseann turned the lights off, then started the ultrasound. Almost immediately, we could tell she wasn't seeing what she expected (and hoped) to see. She pointed out a yolk sac and what appeared to be a faint heartbeat, but nothing else. After spending several minutes looking around, Roseann turned the lights back on again and looked at us, clearly disappointed. She questioned Jude about how long it had been since her last menstrual cycle had ended, in an effort to pinpoint how far along in the pregnancy Jude should be. In then end, Roseann just told us she wasn't seeing what she would expect to see, based on how far along in the pregnancy we thought Jude should be.
Although Roseann tried to encourage us, we were devastated. In particular, Jude felt like we were right where we were last time, when the first ultrasound indicated the pregnancy had never really gotten off the ground, so to speak. Jude even compared the the ultrasound photograph to J.P.'s first ultrasound photograph and it was like night and day. Still, Roseann insisted she's seen several occasions where people initially miscalculated when a woman had become pregnant, as a result of which a second ultrasound, a week later, revealed a healthy pregnancy. In other words, it was unusual, but it had happened.
We left Roseann's office and sat glumly outside on a cement wall, talking quietly with each other in the hot afternoon air. In the end, we agreed to wait until the ultrasound the following week and, in the meantime, not to give up hope. Jude was scheduled to take J.P. to Jacksonville to spend the weekend with her best friend, Cyndi Baines, and we decided the trip would go off, as planned. In other words, there was nothing to do but wait.
Wait and pray. Which I did. A lot.
________________________________________________
Today, not with some reticence, I walked into Roseann's office and sat down to wait for our 2:30 p.m. appointment. Jude arrived shortly after I did. We compared notes on how our days had been so far, steering clear of the subject that was really weighing heavily on our minds. We didn't have to wait long before a nurse appeared and called Jude's name. There was a bit of a delay once we got to the nurse's office, but finally an examination room opened up and we were ushered into it. A minute or two later, Roseann walked in and after exchanging pleasantries, got down to business.
Again, Roseann turned the lights down and started the ultrasound. I held my breath, having said a silent prayer right before she entered the room. Nobody said anything.
Finally, her voice catching, Roseann said, "I'm so happy for you! Everything looks perfect!" Tears welled in my eyes as I tried to look at the screen and see what she was seeing. "Look, there's your baby!" she said. Jude and I were both in tears at that point, stunned, trying to understand what was going on. Roseann continued taking measurements, reassuring us the whole time, as if there had never been a doubt in her mind.
She turned the lights back on, did some calculations, then announced to us that Jude is 9 weeks and 3 days pregnant and that everything looked great. We were speechless. She left the room and we held each other for a minute or two, crying. I was very emotional and really, really felt the presence of God in that room with us. I just did. I had prayed so hard for the past week, just asking God to give us the strength to accept whatever He decided was right for us, to accept it without questioning it.
We opened the door and walked into Roseann's office for "the talk" - scheduling, risk factors, complication possibilities, etc. It was necessary, but a bit of a let down, to be honest. Still, Roseann was so happy for us and being able to share the news with her first meant the world to us.
________________________________________________________
Okay, I know we have a long, long way to go and we're not going to tell anyone else until after the next ultrasound at 12 weeks.
Still, I believe in my heart I saw a miracle today. Roseann had no explanation for why she couldn't see anything week and then, this week, she saw a 9 week old baby. I, however, have an explanation - it was a miracle and God's fingerprints are all over it. Simple as that.
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